Led Me Here
by soozeh
Summary: Implied JohnRodney. Their memories lead them to a closer future together. No Spoilers.


Implied Rodney/John. Slight slash in one scene but not much.  
Summary: Their memories lead them to an even closer future.  
No Spoilers. One swear word but apart from that it is fairly mild. 

**Led Me Here**

'What's up with him Rodney?' Elizabeth asked after John stormed out of her office.

Rodney sighed and turned to face her. 'I'm not quite sure.'

'Can you find out for me?' She asked, her concern was clearly visible through her expression.

'I'll try my best but he's not the kind of person that openly displays his feelings. He has trouble communicating sometimes… actually all the time but still, there's no harm in asking.'

Elizabeth smiled and Rodney left her office in search of John.

---

John walked into the gym and stood in front of a punch bag. Furious, he began punching at the white bag in front of him. He made about six or seven hard punches at the bag before collapsing onto it and hugging it. Blood dripped down the side of the bag and made a small puddle on the floor. He knew he should have worn gloves but amidst his rage he'd forgotten and deep down he wanted the pain. He wanted to drown out the pain inside his head with physical pain and punching the bag in front of him seemed like a good idea. That was until he actually started hitting it. Waves of pain rushed through his body as his fists connected with the hard material and he winced. After a few punches he gave up, defeated, and hugged the bag.

That was how Rodney found him, in a state of both shock and denial. He refused to admit the fact that he'd hurt himself and that he was bleeding. He refused to admit that he was vulnerable and that he needed help and he refused to admit that he needed Rodney.

Rodney walked into the gym and heard the heavy breathing John was making and as John came into view his heart stopped. He'd never seen John like that before and he never thought he would. John was always the strong warrior and soldier and knew he was this… this vulnerable fragment of the real John.

Rodney walked towards John and put a hand on his shoulder. John jumped at the physical contact.

'Don't.'

'John. Talk to me.'

John let go of the bag and slowly walked over to a bench. He sat down and let his arms hang limply at his side. Rodney sat next to him and watched John for a moment, looking for a sign, any sign of what was wrong.

'Hold me.' John whispered.

Rodney looked at him in surprise. This wasn't the John that Rodney knew and loved and he was going to do everything in his power to get him back. Rodney edged closer to John and wrapped his arms around John. John clung onto Rodney's waist and sobbed silently into his shoulder. Rodney brushed the top of John's arm with his thumb and softly kissed his forehead. John let out a long breath that he didn't even realise that he was holding and tightened his grip around Rodney.

'Hey, hey. It's okay. Everything's going to be okay John. You hear me. I'm not going to let anything happen to you.' Rodney soothed.

'I've fucked up.'

'I don't understand you. The mission went well, Elizabeth's not angry. Is that what you think?'

'No. No. What's today?' John asked quietly. Rodney could feel John trembling and his warm breath on his shoulder and he rubbed his thumb along John's arm.

'Erm… Friday?'

'The…'

'The…twenty fifth.' Rodney stated, unsure of where the conversation was going.

'Four years ago, four months before I was told about the Stargate, I was in Iraq.'

'I'm sorry John I don't know where this is going.'

'I'm not finished.'

'Sorry.'

'So I'm in Iraq and I've been asked to transport a bomb from one town to another and en route I get ambushed by a four Iraqi Soldiers who obviously want this bomb, but I stand my ground and I don't give them it, I drive away… But in my haste to get away the bomb is activated. I decide to drive to an isolated area, with no villages or people or whatever and let the bomb go off. I had 13 minutes left on the timer when I found that the bomb was activated so I drove as fast as I could out into the desert and left the bomb, on my way back I was told that my team, 19 of them were out on a mission and I was to meet them. I radioed back and asked their location. They were half a mile away from the bomb I'd just dumped and I… I had no time to go back and get it, hell I couldn't even remember where I left it. And it went off and killed them… it killed them all and it was my fault.'

'John don't you dare blame yourself. It wasn't your fault. You didn't know that your team were out in the desert did you?' Rodney let go of John and gripped his shirt and lifted him up to face him. Their eyes met and Rodney gave him a warm smile.

'That's not the point. If I hadn't of being such a… coward and if I tried to do something. Anything. Maybe I could have stopped the bomb. Deactivated it or something. Maybe I could have prevented those 19 men. My 19 men, from being killed.'

'John, you have a background in the military. You're not a scientist are you? You don't know whether you would have been able to deactivate the bomb. You may have killed yourself in the process. They may have lost 19 men the day but the best was saved. John. The best is you, be thankful you're still alive 4 years later. After everything we've seen, been subjected to. You're a fighter John and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.'

'You didn't know them Rodney. They were a great bunch of guys. 19 men killed, me saved? The military would rather me dead and the 19 alive and I know that.'

'John I want you alive, don't tear yourself up over this. You can't change the past so you might as well get over it. Live with it.'

'You don't know what it feels like. Killing 19 Rodney. 19. Innocent men. Good soldiers.'

'I do.' Rodney looked John in the eye.

'You do?'

'When I was at school I built this… this machine. Similar to an atomic bomb only it wasn't. It was a dulled down version, not dangerous well, so I thought. Turns out I mixed two irritable compounds together. They react badly with each other and sparks flew. Pardon the pun. This other guy in the group had made a baked bean volcano and when he was demonstrating the 'eruption', the rather disgusting eruption I felt sick so I went outside and I sat on a park bench at the front of the university to clear my head and get some fresh air. I was outside three minutes or so when I heard an almighty bang. My creation. My deadly creation. It had blown up. Killed 14 people. 8 were under 20. You see John, that was 15 years ago and I got over it. It was my fault and I knew it but it was an accident. I didn't know the compounds reacted so violently and I had warned that it may be unstable and deep down I think I knew that I had built a dangerous machine. But when it blew up I just became even more devoted to making everything right. Finding the right combinations of compounds and… that… accident is what lead me here. To you. So you know what John, I don't regret it for a minute. I found Atlantis and I found you because of that accident and if you think about it too John you'll see that that bomb led you here. Led you to Atlantis.'

'Rodney.' John took his hand and covered it with his. 'Why didn't you tell me?'

'Never saw any reason to.'

'But.'

'John listen to me. It wasn't your fault. You understand that?'

John nodded weakly and the pair held each other once more.

'You see John. At least one good thing came out of those unfortunate accidents.'

'What's that?'

'We found each other.'

John smiled. 'And Atlantis.'

Rodney's smile weakened slightly. 'Of course John. We found Atlantis as well.'

-Fin-

R&R as always x


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